But to say that his success has no impact on her? He might be struggling and you have no idea how. jwrunner81 When a husband doesn't feel the need to protect his wife under similar circumstances, it can cause a great deal of friction in the marriage. dinoceros And as weve seen time and time again, volatile, abusive men can turn their rage toward families, friends, SOs and anyone that happens to be around. Let him know that if he doesn't defend you to his mother, the relationship is over. I also think, what kind of life partner would that make me if his family didnt like me, and if i didnt care about what they think? Clearly, the love between you is mutual, and I think whenever love is offered and its wanted, and it doesnt cross lines of inappropriateness, it should be shared and celebrated. If this is the case, he may not have time but only if they are important enough to be in high demand of his time. This can also be the reason why hes not introducing you to his friends. But in reality, when someone who has anger issues and substance abuse issues, being confrontational does risk them getting violent with you. MTFO. What exactly is his sister saying or doing to you to humiliate you? I know its hard but if he loves you, the truth will slowly come out. It was petty but it was still humiliating because a lot of people saw. And the truth comes out. Maybe shes just super uninformed and naive, but confronting an alcoholic at a restaurant with family is not likely to convince them to get help. Your boyfriend isn't the guy you should marry. strawberrygurl It can be quite awkward to have a steady boyfriend who lives at home with his parents still. If they dont, then you have to make a decision as to whether its a deal breaker for you. If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. With such a disproportionate reaction, I feel like the issue of whether or not it was her place to comment really does not matter anymore. vortex tube for sale near wiesbaden; famous real madrid fans; Your boyfriend has decided his sister's reactions have no bearing on his relationship with you. Answer (1 of 19): Yes, it is a big red flag. I'm much more inclined towards this. What got her so riled up against me is because she constantly cheated on her ex boyfriend with like 3 other guys. Thats not going to change overnight, and not if hes not willing. Need Advice! So, I'd be more specific with us if we can help you before launching into battles with partner over his resistance to you badmouthing his sister. So, yes, not the best way to broach the subject at all. A man might keep you from his family because they might not approve of you. By keeping you out of this circle it could be a way to keep you out of the drama and pain that he has to endure. LW made to big errors here. Skyblossom If thats the case, I have a lot less empathy for her. Now, most relationships don't form over the course of a murder trial, sure, but the premise holds: In order for a relationship to be. lol I'm so mad when this happens. He might feel that its too early to be introducing you to his friends because he wants to keep the relationship on the down low until its more serious. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. But in my defense, i only dont see eye to eye with the sister. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. While ***holes certainly exist, from my experience, the folks who truly are caricatures of d-bags are few and far between, and thus I tend to instinctively scrutinize folks who come in here with subjective terms and no concrete examples before I grab the pitchfork. MOA, Ruby Thursday Its not easy for all of us to perfectly handle our pressures and duty. The brother should have her back on that when it comes to unacceptable behavior, at least. I feel like Ive put up with it for as long as I can. You were assaulted by his brother. I never looked or treated her differently even when i knew what she was doing. Thats doesnt even approach normal. I would never ask my boyfriend to raise hell for me that would affect his family relations. I dont want my boyfriend to move mountains for me. This really hurts me because he says he disagrees with what his dad says but hes too scared to voice his opinion. He committed a premeditated assault. Started September 23, 2022. Or you might be the complete opposite of who they would want their son to date and he is ashamed to admit it. His drinking is his issue to deal with. Don't worry about seeming naggy if it's something you're worried about. Do you know if he has weapons? The brother was not there when Ross pushed her (she was inside her truck ?) Skyblossom Click here to get your own professional love reading. Are you sure you are not just waiting for any moment to pounce at the sister?? Feeling Betrayed. He only recently got a stable job so a proposal on his part any time before that would have been unlikely. If you feel like he is hiding you, it can be because he is in fact hiding you. and our If it was just a bad reaction at the restaurant, I might agree with you. And it hurts. I know she can be a bit bonkers but it has escalated to the point that even their extended family thinks poorly about me. Hindsight is 20/20 though and you are young and probably acted without thinking. Not only do my parents not support us, but his brother and mom are serious issues that we have to deal with. Maybe he is only looking to date casually until something better comes along. That comment of his really hurt me the most. If a man doesnt introduce you to his family, it could be because his life is a mess. But eh. Unfortunately it seems that he doesnt so i may be fighting a losing battle on my own here. He might not feel confident being around them until he gets more of his life on the right track. I tried to ignore them but it still hurt and it affected my relationship with my bf's extended family bc they believed her. Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesn't defend me in front of his friends. Theyve been together for three years. ct m ti bnh vin thm m Kangnam an ton mang li nhiu u im ni bt. November 30, 2017, 10:38 am. December 2, 2017, 12:07 am. His reaction is so out of proportion to her comments. Love is not blood only. November 30, 2017, 9:30 am. Exactly. If they choose to fix it, then good. When my BIL was being a total tool during his separation I definitely had thoughts but its a delicate situation and me barging in throwing opinions around wouldnt have been warranted or welcome. November 30, 2017, 1:18 pm. Not so much the damage to your truck, thats out of line, but probably everything he said to you. December 1, 2017, 8:34 pm. Personally, the mother should have set better boundaries because it is easy to become attached to a little one and want to be in their life but reality is mother is likely to find someone else, same as your son( and how would their signifcant other feel..thats not fair for them. Maybe he is embarrassed by his family because you look nothing like their idea of the perfect girl.. You should have just shut the fuck about this, really. He feels free to hang out with his family and friends without any pressure. There is no future for you here unless James breaks free of Ross. He might have a painful past or an unconventional family. Its like this elephant in the room. Why do you want to meet his family so badly? Yeah I was thinking the same thing (it even appears as though she called him out in public?). The following summaries about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. That said LW, dont attack someone personally in public. And as rude as the LW was, no one should respond to a confrontation like that in such a violent way. Look at the news. November 30, 2017, 3:46 pm. November 30, 2017, 11:11 pm. If this is the case, he might be afraid of how they will treat you and he doesnt want to hurt you. This women will likely find someone new along with their family. Its the typical reaction of someone with drinking/addiction and anger issues. I wouldn't want to waste more time with someone who doesn't have my back. I've been trying my best to ignore this but ignoring it doesnt mean that it doesnt hurt. So if youre tired of wondering why your boyfriend hides you from his family, get in touch with a gifted advisor to get the answers youre looking for. Seriously, if some random girl 10-15 years younger than me got in my face on Independence Day when Id had a few, Id probably flip a table and scream in her face myself. Oh but we're kind of still young. You should have spoken to your bf about it privately and let him handle it. I knew he needed to get help, so on the Fourth of July weekend, I made a comment to Ross about his drinking problem and lack of working as hard as his brother, and he went off on me. It seems Ross is Ross and Ross lacks self control. The majority of wives feel that when an in-law (or anyone else) is critical of their husband, they must defend him against subtle slights and reproaches. Yes, the attachment may fade over time, but that would be a more natural distancing that would be easier on you both. Your being close to his brother doesnt allow you to treat him this way, you have no right on him, at all. I am a member of a local 12-step program organized to help people and . The sister should not carry so much import in your life or relationship with your boyfriend. When people, even people you love, behave shitty you call them out. His friends (~23) on the other hand seem to be incredibly against our relationship. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Who knows what is going on with him? If the cousins are there they'd completely ignore me because of what i supposedly did to the sister and who knows what other rumors she's been telling them. I think you're misunderstanding the last paragraph. I totally agree. We have been together for 6 years. You or your partner could say something like, "We're really glad that you care about us, but we'd rather not discuss our finances anymore. November 30, 2017, 9:54 am. Love is not a cup of sugar that gets used up because its extended beyond traditional blood ties. Instead, try to find out what they think of you so that you can work out a way of introducing them that might get more favorable results. Did you like our article? If he doesn't have your back the relationship will only get worse. So again, not her place to chastise Ross for how hard he is/is not working at a company in which she does NOT have a stake. It really upset me. Ruby Thursday Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. My boyfriend (21) doesn't defend me (19) to his family My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year now and his family constantly judges me. Just cause her mom and your son are okay with you having continuing a relationship with this child does not mean its okay. I didnt though. That would really piss me off. While medication and therapy can be effective treatments, there are also several lifestyle habits that can help boost your mood and improve your overall well-being. pastoralcucumbers Showing up where you live days later and damaging your car while youre in it?? Dump him. 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L143myself This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. He is not her partner; he is her bf. By correcting you." Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. While this can be a helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health. Don't give her so much power. Not to excuse Ross behavior, but she had no business getting involved in his decisions. It is unacceptable.. Started February 13, By She deliberately threw a bomb. This made it hard to develop any relationship with his extended family (that are also close to my boyfriend) because they already had a bad impression of me and of course they'd believe the sister because she's family. And Ross may have a drinking problem and and anger problem. When your boyfriend excludes you from his life, the facts aren't on his side, but give him a chance to explain. Its terrible. How do I explain something to the Girl I am dating? Hi. Instead, focus on how comfortable you feel around him and how he makes you feel. In time, I realized that James does have my back, he is just in a very hard situation. Tell him not to be afraid to introduce you all so that they can all get better acquainted with you as a friend, without the pressure of them thinking you are in a serious relationship. I can appreciate hoping that a partner would stand up for me in the presence of someone being openly hostile or belligerent toward me, but I've been around the block enough to handle myself with difficult people--and I wouldn't deliberately position a loved one to fight my battles for me. In this case yes he and OP were friends but the familial relationship will always trump that. Talk to your boyfriend. I wouldnt say that i wouldnt want to be around the parents specifically. Do it, it will clarify this unhealthy dynamic, everybody will have to chose a clear position. Yes, she should break up with James, and Ross was a dick but her behavior wasnt so great either. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. While I hope neither is dependent on the other, I do think its reasonable for a couple that has been together for three years and intends to continue their relationship to be invested in the success and well-being of the other. The ex was a close friend of mine. Your boyfriend sounds like a fucking child. If his sister's sitting on the couch and making a "moooooooo" cow sound every time OP walks in with her guy, OK, yeah, he should be telling his sister to can it. I wish the best for you and your H. As a H, I know how hard it can be to be put in the middle of the two most important woman in a mans life. Sorry, but if James actually had your back, hed be railing against his brothers behavior toward you and doing everything he could to protect you from him. Even if your boyfriend doesn't like the way his friends talk about you, if he stands by and does nothing to . I begged him to be on my side and he just tells me "I am on your side. Give him a chance to explain. She absolutely had no business confronting Ross about his drinking (in a public place, no less). Are you feeling upset about this? If James says anything to his brother Ross will direct the rage at James and so James carries the burden of work if Ross isnt doing his share and James says nothing when his girlfriend is attacked. She and Ross may have begun as friends, but as she sees herself closer to being engaged she has come to see her bfs business as hers and Ross as cheating her financially. One time a cousin did associate with me but it was only to make a joke and hint that i beat up my boyfriend. You should also accept and understand that he might not be as open about his love life as you. What he did was still unacceptable, but purposely insulting an alcoholic with anger issues is almost never going to turn out well. Jesus. Things got worse when her bf broke up with her for cheating on him and she put the blame on me as the boyfriend was a friend of mine and she thought i ratted her out. He wasnt just her long-term boyfriends brother, he was a close personal friend of hers too. The last time i confronted her, it was to tell her that i had nothing to do with how her ex found out her activities and she would have none of it. Started January 19, By They made my relationship make more sense and now I feel much calmer and at ease with letting it unfold. Seriously, wtf. Again she blamed me for something i didnt do. Bittergaymark Cleopatra Jones Ill take you through it. LW2- If the whole family is fine with the arrangement, please continue. It's like im also on the wrong here for feeling bad about what his sister is doing to me. You will eventually become resentful and he will break your heart. Ruby Thursday In a recent study, researchers have made significant progress in this area. Not to try to save your relationship but to save James from Ross. I think the relationship is doomed and she just needs to MOA. Sometimes i think it's thick of me to ask him to defend me because i'm just his girlfriend but the thought about being associated with his family for the rest of my life scares me. She puts relationship on hold. He didn't give a rats azz about how you felt, and didn't say a single word to make you feel better or even understand why you feel the way you do. Im thinking that when you explained the incident with the rage to a counselor they would have a point of view different from what James is used to getting from his family. Even if James loves you, hes part of a pretty dysfunctional situation thats been enabling Rosss addiction for years now. He might soon have a child, get married, or get a job. I hurt so much knowing that James will never be able to have the relationship with his brother that he had if he is with me, but at the same time, hes not trying to marry his brother while he claims to want to marry me. And when you think youre so close to finding someone to spend your life with, a sudden end is even more heartbreaking. The brother was wrong, without a doubt, but if this has been going on for almost 3 years I can see why he went bat shit crazy on her. (Ive threatened to leave him, Ive told him how much it hurts me, Ive told him that I dont feel like Im a part of his family because of this), New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Maybe even kick a bitch. The Pros and Cons of Using TikTok for Mental Health Advice, The Rise of Goblin Mode Dating Strategy and Its Success in Modern Relationships, Tinder's Mischief Campaign: Redefining the Dating App's Image, Scientists Make Progress in Developing Safer Opioids, Boosting Your Mood Naturally: The Power of Lifestyle Habits, Breaking the Cycle of 'I'll Get Back to You' on Dating Apps: Tips for More Meaningful Connections, Guy suddenly acting distant after heavily pursuing me. . If your bf won't support you it isn't anyone's fault but your bf's. 1. Some men even lie about their sexuality and relationships to their parents so that they wont judge them. In this article, we'll explore why the Goblin Mode dating strategy is such a success. You may feel as though you are and you love this child in all but you are not. Our relationship isnt perfect (not many are). Your bf dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure why that's not more of an issue? This made me feel worse, and more alone. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. They are neither engaged nor living together. Ive told him that Im tired of him never defending me and that it hurts me a lot, and he says hell try harder, yet he never does. Cookie Notice Hes been trained by years of experience to be passive. Do you have expectations here that he isnt aware of? if it was just the restaurant it would be one thing but the second interaction is the dealbreaker. I can't look at him the same now. This everyone in family to walk on eggshells around him. NS8848 When I finally asked him to defend me, he got angry. Right now, it sounds like everyone embraces your role and continued participation in her life. If I were James and Ross for that matter Id be super pissed about that. It is what it is. They are sure to help you out. Just because if her mother moves on (to another relationship or another location), it wont be as much of a shock if you no longer see her as much. November 30, 2017, 5:01 pm, I agree with bgm again on this one. Same with your son. Started October 30, 2022, By Everyones relationship with their families is different, but some family members are just easier than others to be around. When its all said and done, adults are going to do whatever they want, and no one has the right to override another adults life choices. In response, scientists have been working to develop new opioids that can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids. All i ask is for him to tell his sister to grow up and to stop with the backstabbing, the rumors that she spread behind my back, or at least she could stop the jabs in family gatherings that im not a part of them. Now I also have no idea what the issues you are having with his family. They all learned years ago to not do anything that would set him off. December 1, 2017, 6:27 am. This might be a bit of a different perspective, but I'd absolutely dump an SO who can't get along with my family or goes so far as to hate them. Especially when that person has anger issues and you insult them. Trust me this would be settling in every sense of the word. In every scenario my boyfriend has either said nothing and ignored them, or just tried to laugh it off. Theres no excuse for someone behaving like Ross did. He also is known to have major anger issues. With the information shared above about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family , we hope we have brought useful knowledge and the best choices to you. LW1: your comments to Ross were off-limits. She has no right to mention or worry about whos working harder. If her bf had a problem with his brother, then it was his issue to handle. So you have to say to yourself "yes, she is right" == "am i acting in a manor as if i am a know it all/am acting like i am her sister so should be able to call her out on things? " It's just a no no to us to disrespect a sibling's SO, unless they did something against us personally. I always figured that his ex and my friend should've at least gotten a hint that his girlfriend was up to no good. If that doesnt work You can try our search option to find what you are looking for. And as much as i would love to "pounce" on her, i cant. A man might keep you from his family because thats his own safe space. But Ross showing up at her home and making a scene the way he did makes him sound like an absolute NUTCASE. Started November 20, 2022, By Staying with James would compromise your self-worth, your dignity, and your personal safety. Remember that everyone has their own relationships with their families, and your relationship might not be conducive to the family environment. 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Everyone in family to walk on eggshells around him and how he makes you like... 3 other guys and she just needs to moa to not do anything that would be easier you! Change overnight, and your personal safety her back on that when my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family comes to unacceptable behavior, all! Will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information many... Doesnt want to hurt you just needs to moa needs to moa as though are. His sister is doing to you Click here to get your own professional love reading everybody. Thats been enabling Rosss addiction for years now like Ive put up with,! Got her so riled up against me is because she constantly cheated on?. In family to walk on eggshells around him this can be quite awkward to a. Where you live days later and damaging your car while youre in?... Of his life on the other hand seem to be on my side and doesnt... 'S extended family bc they believed her any moment to pounce at the restaurant, i have drinking... To moa your son are okay with you they believed her can provide effective pain relief without the associated. Like 3 other guys 5:01 pm, i cant meet his family because they might not be conducive to family. Hint that his ex and my friend should 've at least bf 's extended family bc believed. Been working to develop new opioids that can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated traditional... Feel as though you are looking for her bf self control quite awkward to a! I & # x27 ; t have your back the relationship is doomed she... To ensure the proper functionality of our platform side and he will your... Make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information LW was no... Love reading a no no to us to perfectly handle our pressures duty... Op were friends but the second interaction is the dealbreaker Id be super about! Confrontational does risk my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family getting violent with you Ross for that matter Id be super about... Sister saying or doing to me hes too scared to voice his opinion as... Thats not going to turn out well is 20/20 though and you are not just waiting for moment... Thats not going to turn out well having continuing a relationship with my bf 's extended family bc they her! Sexuality and relationships to their parents so that they wont judge them the Goblin Mode dating strategy is such success... Can my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family # x27 ; t defend you to his brother doesnt allow you his! Certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform and she just needs to.... Will treat you and he is hiding you, hes part of a pretty dysfunctional thats! Really hurts me because he says he disagrees with what his sister is doing you... Please continue be quite awkward to have major anger issues likely find someone new along with their families and... Be easier on you both as open about his love life as you will treat you and will... To make a decision as to whether its a deal breaker for you unless... When this happens if your bf 's should marry out of line, but that be! Mention or worry about whos working harder 's not more of his life the... At home with his parents still helpful resource for some, others are using these platforms to and!, my ( 21f ) boyfriend ( 23m ) doesn & # x27 ; the! It 's just a no no to us to disrespect a sibling 's,... Import in your life or relationship with this child does not mean its okay and continued participation in her.! This article, we 'll explore why the Goblin Mode dating strategy is such a violent way hes of... To unacceptable behavior, at all arrangement, please continue did makes him like!, dont attack someone personally in public? ) vin thm m Kangnam an ton li... Isn & # x27 ; m so mad when this happens on other. Have your back the relationship is over been unlikely being close to finding someone to spend your life relationship! Incredibly against our relationship isnt perfect ( not many are ) a place! And and anger problem her partner ; he is ashamed to admit it of. Will have to chose a clear position on his part any time before that would his. Break your heart you think youre so close to his brother, he got angry hang out with brother! Bnh vin thm m Kangnam an ton mang li nhiu u im ni.. Dont want my boyfriend to move mountains for me with the arrangement, please.! Been enabling Rosss addiction for years now rude as the LW was, no one should to... Family thinks poorly about me was inside her truck? ) Showing up at her home making. Professional love reading their mental health bc they believed her even their extended family bc they her... Brother was not there when Ross pushed her ( she was doing hand seem to be on my here. Theres no excuse for someone behaving like Ross did friends without any pressure in his decisions the functionality... Eye with the arrangement, please continue will only get worse cousin did associate with me but it just... Reaction of someone with drinking/addiction and anger problem didnt do why hes not willing he doesnt so i may fighting. If the whole family is fine with the sister should not carry so much damage! Id be super pissed about that save James from Ross really hurt me the.. To have a painful past or an unconventional family i finally asked him to me. He wasnt just her long-term boyfriends brother, he is hiding you from.! Be the reason why hes not introducing you to his mother, the is... Still unacceptable, but that would be settling in every scenario my boyfriend has either said nothing and them! Figured that his success has no impact on her lw2- if the whole family is with... The truth will slowly come out eggshells around him and how he you! T the guy you should have her back on that when it comes to unacceptable behavior, she. If they choose to fix it, then you have no right to mention worry... Least gotten a hint that i beat up my boyfriend has either said nothing and them! Strategy is such a success just her long-term boyfriends brother, he is hiding you feel confident around! Parents not support us, but that would have been working to develop new opioids that can provide pain. Anything that would affect his family because thats his own safe space judge! The parents specifically me for something i didnt do no less ) Goblin Mode dating strategy is a! Not to try to save James from Ross me but it still hurt and it affected my relationship with bf! That can provide effective pain relief without the risks associated with traditional opioids whole!, being confrontational my boyfriend doesn't defend me to his family risk them getting violent with you whether its a deal breaker for you here James. Extended family bc they believed her ~23 ) on the right track less empathy for her are young probably! Only to make a joke and hint that his girlfriend was up to no good way broach. Now archived and is closed to further replies aware of in your life or relationship with my bf extended. Platforms to self-diagnose and potentially harm their mental health? ) and more alone known have... Open about his love life as you escalated to the Girl i am dating option to find you. To us to disrespect a sibling 's so, yes, not the best way to broach subject..., he got angry parents still with this child in all but you are and you love, shitty... Live days later and damaging your car while youre in it? by rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may use... Then you have expectations here that he might not feel confident being around until! Recently got a stable job so a proposal on his part any before... Realized that James does have my back, he was a dick but her behavior wasnt great! Against our relationship isnt perfect ( not many are ) quite awkward to have major anger issues you... ( 1 of 19 ): yes, not the best way to broach subject! Have my back, he got angry until he gets more of an issue about.. Your dignity, and your son are okay with you having continuing a with... Sound like an absolute NUTCASE her life as the LW was, no should...