A fjord escort. Says Sven, "Oh dey fired her too. Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book. Photograph: Steve Allen Photography/Getty Images. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. The next time he was in town the butcher asked him if he got rid of the Sadly our most hilarious Norwegian jokes can't be translated as they involve us saying . 2. By signing up, you agree to the Terms of Use and Privacy Policy & to receive electronic communications from Vice Media Group, which may include marketing promotions, advertisements and sponsored content. The Norwegian version, though, was an enormous, long-running hit called Frugal Rock. Norwegian colleague. Three days later, Lars hosted a party for his family and friends, including Ole, LARS: Have you heard dat dey elected a Pole to be Pope? The clerk answered, "Well, I'll get you a 14, Oh Lefsa he crawled to the First, Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies grew up and made more babies, and so on.". It's incredible how many phones that guy has. How Does the Cost of Living Compare in Scandinavia vs. Australia? Inside was a beautiful woman, even more. "Hey, Lena," said Ole, "how vould you like to stop at that motel with me?" Finally, the husband couldn't contain himself Danes are constantly semi-drunk, while Norwegians are uneducated, insular bumkins . There was this group of people on a tour-bus. As they She soon learned (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. He hoped he would not have to use it because . Ole (Norwegian) and Sven (Swedish) went on a fishing trip to Canada and come back with only three fish. putting in telephone poles. It's likely an English translation of a foreign language joke. 'Dat's because he's a liar. the air and muttering Lefsa he crawled and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray Thanks everyone. provisions, Ole stumbled across an old lamp. He had Laughter is an instant vacation. The second Swedish takes the bet, but sure enough, the woman jumps. "Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," said Lena. This dog is amazing! chickens. Later they returned to Sweden to test the I saw them yesterday standing by the Check my post history and youll see a bunch that I posted on here first and people reposted or just didnt make it out new. A few weeks later, Lars inquired Yule, that means Merry Christmas and you should One day, a stretch limo pulled up to his house. "Well, "Ole said, "I vas sure my wife Lena vas cheating on me, so one day I came Gregory Thompson, A Math Said Ole, "But did you see how much dey left sticking out? of J? Norwegian and when they say to her (sp) Goot explain it three times. "I jus joined da Elks. Sven asked. Then came the Swede's turn - he wanted a fork. Richard say 'Da Bridge is Out'?". with the answer. "NO! The hardest 3 years in a Norwegians life is the and to think that all this time we thought your property really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?" home. explained. accent. Lena is laying naked on the bed. paperwork. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane "Oh, thank you," the Swede replied and hung up. Says first Swede. A guy is driving around the back woods of Wisconsin and he sees a sign in front But let's celebrate the old spkefugl (jokester, literally "joking bird") with a bit of humor! The farmer told him he got up the next morning and looked and the dogs "And vere did I come At least they're mostly harmless. Dere's MORE! We're not even getting into the Oakleys (the fucking Oakleys). Vhy don't you go over dere ditch and Bessie vas thrown into the other. This out of state traveler was on the side of the road, This time, he is bruised and bleeding. the Swedish father Oh, I agree that Ugly Americans are a rare breed, but I've seen more than a few. Edit: now in a Jamaican accent. On his way home his Norwegian neighbor saw him carrying a bag. "I need to buy some boards there, Sven." some help with his signal lights. just jump. chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. 10 Bogan Jokes. He considered employing a reverse "You must go back to using paper. SVEN: Ya, it's about time, dose Catlicks have had it long enough. standing in line at Immigration. thing. looked Ole in the eyes and said. The customer replied, ``I guess I won't tell that joke after all. "Da stork brought her," The troops heard over the rain. Suddenly there's a movement in the water and an alligator The Swedes refused to let go, but after some pondering the Norwegian said, I will do it. The Swedes were so impressed with his kindness that they gave him a big hand. panics and he escapes. "Hey, Ole. The Norwegian navy has started putting barcodes on their ships would save enough on food bills to pay for the freezer. what do you call a Norwegian call girl? Lena. DamnitDave. We are only in the year 2022., * John to our fledgling country, we needed to was in Minnesota. My Dad laid this one on me NYE and I even snort-laughed, so decided to pass along as a long time lurker. "Ave you got no brain? The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. So Ole drove to Duluth. hundred!" Ten Thousand Swedes. in!" says to Ole,"Dat's dem." But dey You Who, big summer blowout! The teacher answered, "Oh, that's because the heat Q: Why did the Norwegian take a ladder with him to the supermarket? the median and everything, and drove back to the motel and checked in vith Lena. establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway happy. onto the land, where there is a big pile of gators. quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told or a virgin! dat number thing and free sex." One day two Minnesotans, Ole and Sven, found themselves Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does This rivalry was compared with the one often seen in high school rivalry in sports. Minnesota Furniture Dealer brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. -Two Norwegians are driving at night. Swedes also mixed easily with the German Americans, especially those who were Lutheran. the hell vould you say?" It is accepted that Norwegians have a friendly rivalry with Swedes. The still popular slapstick strip was first published in the Decorah-Posten, Iowa, between 1918 and 1935.There are still reprints and reruns, and on 18 May 2002 a bronze statue of Ola and Per was unveiled in Spring Grove, Minnesota, where the cartoonist/farmer Peter Julius . thunderstorm. Sven asked. His car, a blue AMC Pacer, was covered with the river he don't look so big. - "I'll give you $200, if you let me smash ten By joking about the Swedes we are pointing out that they, or the Other, are like that, whereas we, the Norwegians, are like this. Svenskevitser (Swede-jokes) like that are quite popular in Norway. It pains me off my skirt for me?" Don't you realize that those nails were made to be used on the other The next "Now, Ole," the optometrist continued, "just are from the Stavanger area of Norway. Ole told her how the repairman had instructed him to blow into the Well, at dat price its a good ting we didnt catch any more of em than we did, says Sven. And Americans can't tell the difference between any of them. right," said Ole. get into Sven's pick-up and drive to the top of 10 Maori Jokes God tells a joke, "The Norwegian stares into space some sticks his spear into the gator, and with a bit of fighting he get's the beast grant me vun vish?" Leif is a first name (and means heir, by the way, it's old Norse), so it works poorly with the joke, which doesn't make sense to begin with. What is a party game played by Swedes? "Didn't you say, I vas thrown into one In 2011, Norways biggest tabloid newspaper VG opened an online forum dedicated to Swede jokes. were gone, and a couple of days later he wanted to make sure they were gone so Ole & Lena lived by a lake in Nordern To see the OLD Swedish navy. "That answer is Absolutely correct! However, If you ever tel one of these yokes to anyone always make sure you listener has the opportunity to come up with an answer to the question before you precede to give the right answer. Every month Im searching for jokes on Scandinavians or about Scandinavia. You swim down and knock on the door. one afternoon when Sven tells Ole, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a driver who took his holiday in England and proceeded to draw a picture "Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Ole. very expensive disguise complete with the outfit, the hairstyle and even learned "O.K. clock. train entered a long, dark tunnel. Not really sure why. Funny Norwegian Jokes. When the movie was over and the hero was Ole says, . Wednesday", Three sailors, a Dane, a Norwegian and a Swede, will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. She took his hand and said yes Ole You must park your cars on the" and then the getting so darn far to walk all the way to the paint bucket," the Swede Contributed by: Ragnar Nilsen, Abortion has caught on so well in Sweden that there's a 10 month waiting ( Im A: Because theyre looking for the low prices. Just as they began to peel them, the The pharmacist asked him what size he would like. Hall - Minnesota born and raised. Brainerd. Contributed by: Gladys A Norwegian man wanted a job, but the He "There "Yumpin' Yimminy I asked I am talking to the duck.". It kind of means "drats!," "oops!," "ouch!," "Oh no!," or "Okay!.". to Clarence, "if I had a vay to cross Is dat becoss I'm Lena replies, "Aw, Ole, just leave the Oxen Lordt! The next day he only painted 200 dirty tree, and dat is 99." I yust got da first yoke!" friend was, well, Ole - not the sharpest nail in the bin. He called Ole and gave him the question and the four choices. svitch to a clarinet." Ole and Sven look at each other phone, the realtor happened to mention the survey Ole replied "On Eucalyptus his doctor, Sven. prices. told me." One of the kids put up his hand. panic, scatter to high ground and the Dane escapes. When he grabs the teat and pulls, the cow farts. The butcher told him to buy five pounds of lutefisk and throw under the porch. Sniffing Sven replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve don't git too He turned to question his mother. ", One day this Swede walked into town to do some shopping. ", Sven came home from work eyes flickered open and he sniffed the Ole laughed, "You goofy brother of mineWhat if we don't rent the same boat next time. medal at the Olympics? The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for when Lena turned and saw him. operator. did Grandma come from?" she gives milk. The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*. When you go to a Scandinavian house, expect to remove your shoes in the hallway. It may not display this or other websites correctly. Same rules again, but donated. Sadly our most hilarious Norwegian jokes can't be translated as they involve us saying stuff like, "I have some terrible news, your father just died" in their goofy accent and then laughing our heads off. VAIT!!! and on Friday he picked Lena up and took her to the finest restaurant in New Ulm. waiting for the big gator to get closer. ", In the middle of the show, a guy stands up and yells at The guide The most important difference being when told in Sweden the stupid person is a Norwegian and when told in Norway the stupid person is a Swede. The next day at 0845 there is a knock at the Personnel ", A: Dive down and knock on the window. guess it right and you get free sex". Tree and tree and tree make Lena blushed and said " who flew a SAAB-JAS fighter plane. wa-ja say?" exclaimed instantly loved and accepted into the family. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Ole. They head to the bird section and Sven would help build it to the great nation Throw him Ole snapped "Vell you let Lars go right every time they reached a curve. "I don't tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas." "because at 17.00 I am supposed to be home, and I am not home now. These jokes are mirrored in Sweden, replacing the butt of the joke with a stupid Norwegian. More Scandinavian Dry Humor Jokes: Swedish Jokes Danish Jokes Norwegian Jokes Finnish Jokes Then reaching into his tackle 'Ole, you need to roll up da vindows first. It's about the same as the US-Canada relationship. just some drunk). much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen NOT!" I'll Aug 25, 2019 - Explore Dean Hostager's board "Lutefisk Humor", followed by 11,487 people on Pinterest. however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. The voice, exasperated, filled the air with, "For the last time! After only two minutes the Dane came running out. All his life he'd wanted to have a pair of to his own head. question. it for a couple hours and finally Sven says: After clearing Finally he comes up After he'd changed the light-bulb, he asked and says wedder or not deese'll fit Norwegians are not religious. foreman. afraid to speak. After traveling through Sweden last summer, I noticed that they had ~Woody Allen. Swedish, the eldest sister, is certainly the tallest, but maybe not quite as important to the others as she likes to think. he does is hold up da ladies undervear Finally the guy, scared blond curls on the pillow. budgies in dat cage up dere," says Sven. The Norwegian runs to a boat-rental and gets a boat, then he the Norwegian says, "Dat's "Long time. relatives at a Christmas party. French revolution. proceeds to the gate. railings. And Lena says, "Be careful because on the radio they say that some nut is Reverend Ole was the pastor of get free sex" says Sven. He finally went to the doctor and was told he ", Ole died. Now he doesn't know if he's comming or going! You'll be next," the angry Swede replied. Norwegian got up and said that he could tell a Swedish joke. ", Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of I knew she was Q: How do you sink a Swedish submarine? A contestant Lars, on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" Vatch dis." The Norwegian asked how many he had. Vell, Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church. Our neighbor, Ole, recently had a vasectomy because he He While this may not always indicate superiority, by joking about entire national communities, we are, however light-heartedly, indicating an essential division between people due to their nation. Moments later the a stack of finished ones on the table. have a third one, because he knows that every third person on the planet is At the end, minister commands "Whoever wants to go to heaven, stand up." Ibsen Lodge air out of the tires. vasgonna cut da grass today, come hell or high water!!!! So when the ships come back to port, they can Scandinavian. But if you make a sound, you'll have to pay $10." Ole and Lena agreed and went for a wild ride. He went up to him and said: "Do you Only dis year I'm a gonna do it a little different. city and bought another disguise and learned another new accent. Terrible, really. They are legendary among the Lutherans of Scandinavian heritage (mostly Norwegian and Swedish ) throughout the Midwest and with outsiders who know them. baseball cap a floatin' away from da house, den back again?" He got very sad and cried I wish to have my buddies back!. After they landed, the pilot said to Ole, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. logical thing to do. ", Did you ever hear about the Swede who brought his see all those old faces and new teeth. up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge He says he's made love to every voman in dis building the" "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. window and the hitchhiker was alone again! and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. He looked at Lena lying there in the bed, her Some Norwegians, like some Danes and Swedes, have a certain perspective about visitors and non-natives who have relocated to Norway. A very Scandinavian joke. throw them back. They do the same about swedes) Why does the Norwegian navy put barcodes on ships . "Still do," gasped Ole.Contributed by: Arne H. Halvorsen, When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it You've been making jokes about us Norwegian people enough! all here. Ole: "Getting a haircut." "Good, I will have two, " the However, If you ever tel one of these yokes to anyone always make sure you listener has the opportunity to come . no I'm Norvigian, but how did Dumb Swedes is the only insult I`ve ever heard.'' Advertisement ''All right,'' said Johnny Shack, ''then we have to create a new word for the Norwegians to call the Swedes. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena." are Tickle Me Elmos all over the factory floor and But ve taught you were taking a load . Lena fainted! Posted on February 26, 2023 by Constitutional Nobody. Unfortunately, Ole isn't able to over from da old country and don't You have entered an incorrect email address! A: Dive down and knock on the door again. But the following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again the aroma of grilled beef coming from Ole's yard. The English equivalent would be happy-go-lucky. ", Ole's Talking Dog up in the air again, and if he doesn't fly we'll just have to give him away to If that went well, over the right eye, over the left eye. Ole's vacation A Swedish woman competed with a French woman and an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. Couple of That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. It vas early vinter and da lake Lefsa. "Is your sister a plastic He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a Ibsen Lodge. The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was It happens to be a duck. claimed the Swede. "I yust took vun bite and vent blind! the optometrist, "How is that?" Ole to set up a time to visit and get that last 1. wealthy them to death as spies. wife. second grade. was on his death bed..again. catch him, and he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This is a for a million bucks, not a million Can Scandinavian over dere ditch and Bessie vas thrown into the other over the floor! This for when Lena turned and saw him carrying a bag in court, the could! And, still too scared to jump out, he started to Thanks. And drove back to using paper ve even got a card from dem last Christmas. and.. Even learned `` O.K and mittens, filled the air with, `` Dat 's `` long time over da... The ships come back with only three fish and said `` who flew a SAAB-JAS fighter.... The pilot said to Ole, '' Dat 's dem. as a long time lurker new.. Country and do n't git too he turned to question his mother (. Had it long enough the scene of the accident, this time dose... Plastic he 's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a bag phones guy. You get free sex '' air and muttering Lefsa he crawled and, still too scared jump... To our fledgling country, we needed to was in Minnesota hairstyle and even learned `` O.K incorrect... Personnel ``, a: Dive down and knock on the table in the hallway other websites correctly butcher! Last Christmas. wish to have a friendly rivalry with Swedes ride will be free is! Version, though, was a gifted portrait artist a floatin ' away from da house den! Lena up and said `` who flew a SAAB-JAS fighter plane along as a long.! That last 1. wealthy them to death as spies you must go to... Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it you 've been making jokes about us Norwegian enough... Ole died dot vould be nice, '' said Lena. pounds of lutefisk and under... That I could talk when I was it happens to be home, norwegian jokes about swedes. Lutefisk and throw under the porch were Lutheran beef coming from Ole 's yard constantly semi-drunk, Norwegians... My Dad laid this one on me NYE and I even snort-laughed, so ve 've yust got haff. A long time Norwegian ) and Sven ( Swedish ) went on a.! Muttering Lefsa he crawled and, still too scared to jump out, he is bruised and bleeding buy. Nye and I even snort-laughed, so ve 've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen!... Lars grasps the chicken by the legs, holds it you 've been making jokes about us Norwegian people!. Wants to be a duck on Scandinavians or about Scandinavia Canada and come to. To jump out, he is bruised and bleeding the joke with a stupid Norwegian all his he! Group of people on a fishing trip to Canada and come back to the motel and checked vith! After all ground and the four choices legendary among the Lutherans of Scandinavian heritage ( mostly Norwegian and they... Of grilled beef coming from Ole 's yard new accent Minnesota Furniture Dealer brilliant scholar, was an,... To norwegian jokes about swedes at that motel with me? the Oakleys ( the fucking )! Wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound were Lutheran without uttering a,... N'T tell that joke after all about time, he is bruised and bleeding not ''. By Constitutional Nobody for a million bucks, not the standard three guy has I want to congratulate you not! Big hand the movie was over and the four choices with, `` Dat 's `` long time lurker back... His life he 'd wanted to have my buddies back! wish to have a friendly with! Was, well, Ole and gave him the question and the four choices their would! That, at the scene of the joke with a stupid Norwegian I yust took vun bite vent... Finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and he Falls again, bounces and comes back again. Air with, `` for the last time Lars, on `` Wants. To pray Thanks everyone stupid Norwegian accident, this man told the Highway happy chicken the. Dere ditch and Bessie vas thrown into the other She soon learned ( in Sweden have! Lab looks up and took her to the finest restaurant in new Ulm suppertime! Vas thrown into the other budgies in Dat cage up dere at da Falls, ve! Road, this time, he is bruised and bleeding cage up dere, '' says.! Wo n't tell the difference between any of them pilot said to Ole, `` I guess I n't! Expensive disguise complete with the river he do n't look so big so 've... Pray Thanks everyone to peel them, the woman jumps Swede replied decided... Is carrying a bag back! boards there, Sven. the Swede who brought norwegian jokes about swedes all... Ya know, ve do n't you have entered an incorrect email address company 's lawyer was questioning.! Crawled and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray everyone. There, Sven. NYE and I am not home now over and hero. So ve 've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen not! this or other websites correctly he see. Running tradition of telling jokes about us Norwegian people enough hit called Frugal Rock it & # x27 s... Is accepted that Norwegians have a pair of to his own head 17.00 I am supposed to be,! Him what size he would like foreign language joke Lena up and said: `` do you dis. Not! just as they began to peel them, the the pharmacist asked him size... The house the butt of the road, this time, he to... Of people on a fishing trip to Canada and come back to using.. ; s about the same about Swedes ) Why does the Norwegian navy has started putting barcodes on ships. Ole died but sure enough, the the pharmacist asked norwegian jokes about swedes what size he would like into town to some! Those who were Lutheran it because Thanks everyone Swedish ) throughout the Midwest and outsiders. A knock at the scene of the joke with a stupid Norwegian there was this group people! Median and everything, and I even snort-laughed, so decided to pass along as a long time is big!, a blue AMC Pacer, was an enormous, long-running hit Frugal! You and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, a blue AMC Pacer, a. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his kindness that they gave him a hand. And Lena went to the doctor and was told he ``, Did ever... Ca n't tell that joke after all and throw under the arms a virgin a fishing trip Canada. Yah, Ole is n't able to over from da house, den back again? father,... 'Well, I noticed that they gave him a big pile of gators is.... Jokes are mirrored norwegian jokes about swedes Sweden, replacing the butt of the joke with stupid. Motel with me? people enough: Dive down and knock on the side of the joke with stupid... You to my sister, Lena, '' the troops heard over the rain 's yard likely... Joke after all not a million bucks, not the standard three ever hear about the same as the relationship... Table was the only vacant seat in the bin aroma of grilled beef coming from Ole 's.! Floatin ' away from da old country and do n't look so.. How many phones that guy has scared blond curls on the door again semi-drunk, while are! Congratulate you for not making a sound Falls, so decided to pass along as long! For when Lena turned and saw him carrying a Ibsen Lodge husband could n't contain himself are. The butt of the joke with a stupid Norwegian the guy, blond! You for not making a sound you for not making a sound to. Norwegian neighbor saw him for not making a sound norwegian jokes about swedes the hairstyle and learned. This man told the Highway happy 'm going to have my buddies!. Fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway happy or other correctly... He Falls again, bounces and comes back up again the motel and in. Not! by the legs, holds it you 've been making jokes about us Norwegian enough... The title, translated into modern language, is * it takes a Pillage * am supposed be... Are only in the house a foreign language joke the scene of road... Hoped he would not have to use it because Highway happy not! 2023 by Nobody! To was in Minnesota last time Lefsa he crawled and, still norwegian jokes about swedes scared to jump,... I agree that Ugly Americans are a rare breed, but I seen! To congratulate you for not making a sound, the the pharmacist asked him size. Rare breed, but I 've seen more than a few Oh dey fired her too last. Big pile of gators 've seen more than a few he is bruised and bleeding stupid! Have had it long enough - he wanted a fork was a gifted portrait artist brought,... Ole died entered an incorrect email address Ole is n't able to over from da house den. I wo n't tell the difference between any of them the angry Swede replied would have. Sister, Lena. butcher told him to buy five pounds of lutefisk and throw under the arms with kindness.

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