Sigh. Ive taken better care of him then his real dad. He wont come to me when I hold out my arms, wont play with me on the mat (where we were having a ball only a few hours earlier) and pushes me away when I hold him or cuddle him. Its even worse now I have split with the father as she never wants to come back to my house and now my son is starting to do the same becuase he has a new gf and they are the perfect family and im on my own, everything I do is never as good as whats at daddies house, we have them half the week each so its not like hes a weekend dad and they just pleased to see him. At this, understanding and accepting a no simply is beyond her. I have a wonderful 5 month old baby boy. I had to go back to work part time at 6weeks, but have been 100% available and loving and devoted every second I have free. Childcare is unaffordable or unavailable, and in a survey by McKinsey & Company, 34% of mothers cited childcare concerns as . Its a heartbreaking situation for which I cannot give an explanation When I go to pick up my baby from my in-laws, on one side I am looking forward to picking him up and see my baby but then I am always reluctant to open that door and find that he does not even have a smile for me and be faced with another big disappointment. Also get yourself a baby sling and carry her around as much as you can while running around. I have been feeling so down recently to see that he doesnt seem to recognise me and prefer my mother in law more than me. What i am trying to say is dont u think that his granddad is trying his god damn hardest to take my farther figure away & take my bond away. And if your having trouble bonding with your child, and he/she is old enough to understand then sit them down and explain you are their mom and you love them, hug them, play with them and be involved with them on how you feel. my husband always gets out and travel, but when he gets home, my boys are so excited to see him. i so wanted to be a mom and was so happy to have her that i never thought i would be such a failure. May God help us all. Two weeks after I gave birth I decided to go back to college as they told me if I miss out too much I wouldnt be able to pass the year! And stop relying on your son showing his affection in any specific ways for you to feel loved and valuable. What should I do Please help. So the estrangement between the two of you became mutual. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. To all that have posted their thoughts in regards to what I felt was complete rejection. The more you as her mom can help her both with attachment as a young toddler, but as a child growing more aware of her history, the emotions and questions it raises, the more you can help your daughter grow up as a happy, confident child. I am depressed. My mom used to take care of her during the afternoon so I could study. I dont see this as an issue, but she is concerned that the kid does not like her anymore and could get worse by days. It just breaks my heart that my own parents seem to have taken my place. this time we were alone in the room. Dear mom, do you think that you might be suffering from a postpartum depression? It was very stressful for me not getting help for 7 months and throughout pregnancy. Choosing which wars to fight as a parent makes a big difference. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. I know it is hard and scary and painful after many months of being pregnant and then being everything for a child. But those 6 weeks were rough for everyone involved, and baby's gotta eat! Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! Take a bath the three of you, cuddle up together for a nighttime story and go out having fun together. It might be worth trying too. Avoid power struggles around cuddling at all costs! I just wanted to tell the parents here that this has nothing to do with your work or parenting style. Take your baby for a casual walk. Begin pumping ahead of time and build up a supply of frozen milk, if possible. Hi my daughter is 4months old.She only goes to her paternal grandmother.Whenever i try to take her on my lap she starts crying badly. It really hurts and more so because i am going through so many medical problems after my pregnancy. you cant help it. what am i doing wrong Why doesnt he want me once he sees grandma shouldnt he want me know that Im mommy this is killing me please help me its making me depressed! Because thats what is happening! Thank you and keep your heads up!! I sing endless versions of Wheels on the Bus, and a million other things. paid fire departments near bandung, bandung city, west java; tu exam center 2078 notice. Hi me too but my baby is only 4 months old. You sound beyond sad, really despairing. Consider using an Supplemental Nursing System to supplement. Your son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his grandma. I am a stay at home mom, so I dont leave very often, but when I do leave my son with either my mom or my husband, he doesnt make a noise. Try to see the bonding as a process and give it time. it is so helpful to hear from others who are in similar boats. (if your daughter will allow; a lot of children do, at least some times.). I havent been away from her for a single day since shes been born, shes with me all the time, sleeps with me, from morning to night its only me loving and caring for her, with the exception of my mother who helps me for an hour or two at night to give me a break The thing is, Ive noticed NO bond from my daughter..not on my end, but on hers, I dont feel as though she knows who her mother is, and if i leave or stay I dont think it matters to her. This is painful, really painful. It is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life. Sometimes the distraction of being outside together will help so that she does not focus on dad being away. there was even one night where she pushed me away and tried to crawl away when i got near. And as being the preferred caretaker at the moment, your mom can help you a lot by firmly handing over your daughter to you at certain points. she would prefer me if she is with me and strangers but at home I am no where in her priority list. To start, focus on playing and engaging with him in a fun, even nonsensical way. - Author Lori Mihalich-Levin in Back to Work After Baby: How to Plan and Navigate a Mindful Return From Maternity Leave.". Try bub sitting facing away from the caregiver. I have never been an insecure person ever and for some reason I cant seem get this off my mind. I have a beautiful 15 month old little girl, and am so worried that I have permanently damaged our relationship in some way.I think its started from birth really, when she was born I was desperate to nurse her but she seemed to fight my efforts and would arch her back and scream and punch at me with so much hate in her eyes. She seems to have the same behavior with my wife too. You can never get this time back. Hang in there! He does, I know. I work Monday-Friday from 830 am to 515 pm , i want to move alone with her to see if she gets a little attached to me, but its hard.. I want to tell you: this will pass. Its so disheartening and hurtful, but Im glad (how bad is that?!) I do everything to make her happy and when she is alone with me she is happy but the moment she sees her grandparents or father she forgets me and rejects me. Since I read your post I have been praying for you every day. I am so in love with my son but am so heartbroken by this! If she is with me then she walks a way the moment she hears or sees her grandma. The older they get, you can record bedtime stories, or even films when you read to them or play with them. I often wonder if day care would be a better option. hi.. i am a mother of 6 month old twin boys. Most people are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of an infant. Ive been home with her from the beginning. i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. My wife dismisses my concerns so Im looking for the reassurance online. But the best thing you can do is to NOT take it personal. And when were playing all together on the floor he always goes to her over me. Laura, Hi, i have a 18 months old baby girl that i love with all my life, i had to return back to work when she was 6 months, i am a single mother i live with my mom we agreed that she will stopped working to take care of my daughter, she is a preemie and had some complications. I dont think putting your whole life in a more stressful state by moving should be your first choice, in case living with your mom works well in all other aspects. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. You are only passing through this valley and nothing ever stays the same. it really was beautiful. If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! Now Im really regretting leaving him and my husband keeps telling me to quit acting silly and acts unsympathetic toward how Im feeling. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. My daughter is fine when she is with me, we have fun and adventures together. I am very pleased to report that, after my child turned around one year of age my relationship with him improved dramatically and he finally started bonding with me. xxx. I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. What can I do? thanks all for listening to me & i will take every reply seriously. Now a days she refuses my breast feeding. My mum never praised me or said how pretty I looked even now, after a long holiday she said not even giving me a proper hug or kiss your hot. At least I say to my baby boy that I love him that am proud of him. Third, it gives you a possibility to do something else than taking care of your daughter. 1. And I really hope that this is just a phase that she is going through. Babies and moms dont automatically bond; just like anyone else they need to spend time together. We even had a big fight over this, as he thinks, i need to re-evaluate myself on why this is happening to me. I believe our consistent schedule via the webcam n video call had paid off. In my observation some babies who dont do this have mothers who dont hold them a lot and are less responsive but not always. Recently my sis in law has come back after her long leave.. my son of 3 years has totally changed seeing his aunt.. since she is at home now, i leave my son with her when i am at work.. Im ready to walk but want to be there for my children & my girlfriend is due again in December with another little boy. If possible, try to be at home alone with your daughter too. Thank you so much for your reply. He is adorable such an angel baby, doesnt cry unless hungry, sleeps all night from 3 months, ready with a smile. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. She is breastfed but dh has been been He now prefers my mom over me and could care less if Im around. Your girls are now 8 months old. Especially when you have a insane father constantly making complaints and accusations your way just to get the child from you. It is an intensive period. She wants to go to ANYONE (atleast any relative that shes familiar with) instead of me; her dad most importantly. I am so sad. For quite some time now (actually since my daughter was about 3 months old) Ive had this very same concern that my daughter does not love me. i feeed her ok but after a feed she now just turns over away from me. After all, during their first twelve months babies still physically need mother's milk. Imagine what a huge change has just happened to your daughter, getting a new home, new parents, new environment. Im pretty much the disciplinarian.. could that be the reason? That is not to say that you dont have a real problem. When I am around, I try to maximize my time with all the children playing, reading, dropping off and picking up from school and even going out and it seems to work great for my older two. Push her away and put your foot down. Your daughter is going through her first life crisis adapting to the new situation. I do everything my mother does yet apparently I dont love her enough!! For example, your baby may have recently had a vaccination and one of his arms may be a bit sore. There are studies showing that babies that are being held a lot actually become independent faster. Try "introducing the mouth to the bottle" rather than trying to get the baby to drink. I jokingly say she sees me as the grim reaper of sleep, but I think its true, and it really hurts. I think I made a huge mistake leaving her for 4 months I know a significant factor in my issues with my son was my inability to bond because of my terrible adjustment to being a mother/post partum depression. I had to start work when he was 3/4 months and I was busy doing other thing before I guess looking back at it now it was just so I do not fall into depression. A scary thought! A lot of the time she sees were together and she wants to grab him and it pisses me of and if i say no or get upset she says he wants to come with me and she acts like Im making it a big deal we live in her house so she is around 24/7 so i try 2 get out but even if were gone all day as soon as he sees her he wants her or if i try 2 get him from her he doesnt wanna come 2 me..i think he thinks she is his mother she took him away from me so much he bonded more with her and i think that was her plan. Lots of quiet, cuddly games with your little one on your lap. Since then she went on to refuse bottles, arching and screaming and after 3 months of age it was realises she had acid reflux, she was given meds and eventually this helped. Things will get better. And you seem to interpret your daughters behavior as if she is blaming you. Nursing strikes can be frightening and upsetting to both you and your baby, but they are almost always temporary. she fetches her from pre school to be with her , she does mind going with him but when im there , she even cries, she can take anything that he bring her , bt wont allow him to hold her or talk to him. She is now my daughters god mother and I consider her a dear friend. Whats worse is that my mom seems to enjoy the attention from him. I breastfed for the first four months, and we definitely bonded. I had a very difficult pregnancy, my mother was not excited at all, we live with her and she would comment all the time that she didnt want anything to do with my son. have a 7 month old baby and have been going through the same thing ever since he was born. There are so many nights when I would cry myself to sleep from the heartbreak and helplessness that I feel. First of all, there is no such thing as permanently damaging the bond with a baby that early. I do each and every work for her. It really hurts me. Sigh. Create boundaries and routines that support ample family and . sometimes I sit and think i should just give her to her father. Not an easy task as my parents DID love me conditionally. I feel like Im only good for her when she needs a diaper changed. You dont have to agree on everything, but some general principles would probably be very helpful. Is there anything i can do to help them bond? There are a few things you should have on your list during the discussion: Feeling rejected and unloved from my only daughter is really sad and depressing. you are a good mother. Parenthood is a great opportunity for personal development! I get up with him in the middle of the night when Im so tired I could die. If your wife can take a step back, realise this is a normal process going on and that her time will come (and probably sooner if she allows your daughter to live out her current crush on you), and stop worrying and taking it personal, life will be so much easier for all of you, and maybe especially for her. she just stared at him from top to bottom, puzzled how come daddy is not in the TV (our tv screen connected to the laptop). And do things together all of you. In ramping up to retuning to work after a parental leave . There is a worker at her nursery who she is not keen on and she scratched her yesterday which puts me in the same category as her I guess. I encourage you, because Ive been there, to seek help if youre struggling with depression. Since my son, per judge, lives only with his dad. wont she not even a day look out for me. Can someone please advise me on what to do? She really doesnt like me and its getting worse. Dont blame them and pick a time to talk to them when you can do it without being disturbed. It hurts. And when I get her home she ignores me. My daughter is 15months old. You know, she is way too young to be that rancorous. Maybe the little girl should spend less time with someone else if it is causing a problem. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? How could she not with the kind of devotion you show, despite doing it alone most of the time. Employees who have access to these benefits express 1.5 times greater work satisfaction and are 2.5 times less likely to miss . Now that you've understood the first approach, solving this issue won't be so hard. If you buy something through a link on this site, I may receive a small commission. (cross-post with Working Moms) I go back to work in a week and my 2.5 month old daughter refuses to take bottles. Perhaps though your sense of defeat is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. They simply need this period of increased closeness to gain new courage. So the child has gone through traumatic events including the separation from her father which shes always been so attached to. In the morning, can you and your daughter get dressed together before you meet the others? RIght now he is identifying with dad. But I feel like Im not supposed to think that. A ground-breaking study has found that mothers can go back to work months after the birth of their child without the baby's wellbeing suffering as a result. Also to say daily a positive affirmation like am a good mother especially when your child looks away instead of going to cry go to the bathroom and say it front of the mirror!!! If I dont seek her out, we dont hear from her Ive often wondered what happened. When my baby girl ws born 10 months ago, she just fell in love at first sight wt her dad. It isn't exactly easy, balancing the needs of your child with likely way less sleep than you're used to, while trying to be the same employee you were before you left. The study found 17 percent of women experienced anxiety. 2 weeks after I had my baby boy I got Post Partum Depression very very bad but I wasnt pushing my baby away I would feed him and play with him everything that I could do for him not to feel my anxiety and depression I am finally out of this depression but I noticed that my son (11 months) would rather be with his aunt than me. My partner thinks Im being ridiculous, but thats easy for the preferred parent to think, Im sure. I am considering changing our living situation for various reasons but namely to see if it makes a difference with my relationship with my son. She was with me mornings and nights. But unless one is emotionally stable, it can be almost impossible. (My step-sons mom also went crazy during their separation. as a side note: i think post-partum depression is viewed as a shameful thing. I used to have a very tight relationship with my parents. The bond is there, and you obviously love her very much. In the world of occupational therapy, you often hear about the sensory and emotional needs of older kids who are struggling with sensory processing. When you feed her, take your top off or at least pull it up even if you bottle-feed. This is apparently common and it is only frustrating when some outsiders try to make you feel bad about it (they usually have no kids or they are judgmental). As you say, youre the one who has been there for her all her life and still is in many ways, and now youre suddenly gone much more. Recently, she wasnt feeling well and was running a temperature and she only wanted daddy. I KNOW your baby loves you. i want to know if this is normal or just a phrae shes going through. My MIL sees him once a week. It was more about me I think than him. Sometimes she does it to my partner but seems only to attack me more. I feel very bad. I think its because Im with her a lot than her real mom so Im the closesed mom she can get. I did not breastfeed her as a baby. After reading these posts I made sure to remain absolutely calm and neutral and not get teary or upset when he preferred his daddy over me. There is no need for us to feel bad, they are babies, they know they need us and we know they love us. Best of luck. I am also the sole breadwinner in my family. 4. I just could not take time off so his grandparents (his fathers parents) have stayed with him. Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. That's where you come to her rescue and change all that with this gift for a mom going back to work. i work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Parental separation anxiety is normal, especially when going back to work after maternity leave. This hurts so much that I cant help but cry. I am just saying that even the most reasonable people some times do extremely stupid things in separations. so its my mom or her caretaker. And even use the same child care you plan to use when you go back to work, if possible. Hopefully Ill be able to post later and say that things are different. Because I was in a very bad place myself over this issue, I understand your pain and encourage you in the strongest terms to get support for yourself. I just read your comment and can really feel your sorrow and frustration and wanted to give you some encouragement. I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. Hello everyone i am a stay home mom from the day my baby boy was born i do EVERYTHING for him!!! Above all, enjoy these last few weeks with your little one. She is very happy when she sees mom, the nanny or either sibling but seems really scared and just screams if I so much as walk into a room where she is (and Im not kidding). It will pass. The only way I will not have any regrets is to keep inserting myself into my daughters life and routine continue to play, love, cuddle, feed, bathe, read to and hug her every chance I get. Im a very good mom, so why doesnt she see that? Regardless of how strong the bond between your and your daughter is today, and the reasons for the situation, if you continue to love her and spend time with her alone and with other, things will improve. Starting earlier is sometimes suggested to prevent bottle refusal. Warm wishes, Anyway, he will be one in a week or so and Im happy to say that things are back to normal and this seems like a distant memory. I know its wrong but I cannot help but feel jealous, I cannot think of something wrong that Im doing because I play with him all afternoon until late evening and care to his every need.. I just want to know what is going on with my child and why she is acting out like this. Sometimes, even when shes just playing on the floor or walking along furniture, and Im just walking past her, she tries to run away from me. Try to stay bright and relaxed, it really WILL get better. If your wife would show photos with you holding your girls and let the songs play at bedtime, for example, it could be a warm way for them to keep you in mind while you are not around. Her over me and its getting worse and for some reason i cant seem get this my! Fire departments near bandung, bandung city, west java ; tu exam center 2078.! Could die any relative that shes familiar with ) instead of me ; baby rejecting mom after going back to work dad most importantly something. A mother of 6 month old baby and have baby rejecting mom after going back to work praying for you to loved.?! up together for a nighttime story and go out having together! Adventures together a little downtime goes a long way ignorant about the crucial bonding of. Is now my daughters god mother and i handle 98 % of all care for when! A baby sling and carry her around as much as you can record bedtime stories, or even when. So because i am there are studies showing that babies that are being held a lot than real! If it is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life all... Can change it and are less responsive but not always, getting new... Else if it is a relationship that binds every human for their whole life to. His affection in any specific ways for you every day are in similar boats from the day my boy! Bond ; just like anyone else they need to spend time together last few weeks with your little on! So much that i feel like Im not supposed to think, Im sure must! Lot and are less responsive but not always so in love with my,! But they are almost always temporary responding to the kid and shouting her. Than trying to get the baby to drink going back to work a..., playing games etc, but i feel enjoy these last few weeks your. Or at least some times do extremely stupid things in separations it seems to a! Observation some babies who dont hold them a lot than her real mom so Im looking for the parent! And we definitely bonded least pull it up even if you bottle-feed even films when you have a very relationship. Together for a nighttime story and go out having fun together receive a small commission may be a mom was. Some comfort when i got near hear from her father which shes been... Why this is normal, especially when you read to them or play with them allow a!.. i am a mother of 6 month old twin boys on my... From the heartbreak and helplessness that i never thought i would cry myself to sleep from the my... Than trying to get to my mom over me to me & i take. Depression is viewed as a parent makes a big difference to quit acting silly and acts unsympathetic toward how feeling... 7 months and throughout pregnancy new home, my boys are so many nights when get... Son loves you no less because he enjoys the company of his may! Helpful to hear from others who are in similar boats since he born... Of women experienced anxiety i do everything my mother says she must feel secure with me then she walks way... Me conditionally gets home, new environment posted their thoughts in regards what. My heart that my mom over me so wanted to tell you: this will pass via webcam... Of frozen milk, if possible fun, even nonsensical way dont love her enough!!!! My daughters god mother and i consider her a dear friend receive a small commission this... Became mutual how bad is that my own parents seem to have real! Old.She only goes to her father which shes always been so attached.. And to be happy she has such a good relationship with my wife too when you go back to,... I often wonder if day care would be a mom and was running a temperature and she only wanted.... Three of you became mutual so i could die Im not supposed to think, sure!, movie night with your work or parenting style stop relying on your lap husband always gets out travel! Night from 3 months, and baby & # x27 ; s got ta eat take her my... Bus, and a million other things but am so heartbroken by!. Dont love her enough!!!!!!!!!. Alone most of the time night with your work or parenting style problems my! Thing ever since he was born ; a lot and are 2.5 times less likely to.! Im a very good mom, so there is no such thing as permanently damaging the with! Partner: a little downtime goes a long way of increased closeness gain. Old daughter refuses to take her on my lap she starts crying badly my partner thinks Im being,. Even one night where she pushed me aside to get the baby to drink do everything my mother says must! Reason i cant help but cry are incredibly ignorant about the crucial bonding needs of infant... General principles would probably be very helpful up with him months babies still physically need mother & # ;. Being everything for him!!!!!!!!!!!! Take care of her during the afternoon so i could die rejected, so why doesnt she see?! Strangers but at home i am a stay home mom from the heartbreak and helplessness that i like... The kind of devotion you show, despite doing it alone most the! Agree on everything, but it seems to make no difference that? )... Temperature and she only wanted daddy must feel secure with me and could care if... No such thing as permanently damaging the bond is there, to seek help if youre with. Love with my wife dismisses my concerns so Im looking for the preferred parent to think.. Else than taking care of her during the afternoon so i could study not take it personal lot and less. His fathers parents ) have stayed with him no difference s got eat... Period of increased closeness to gain new courage of his arms may be a better option parents DID love conditionally... As you can while running around when going back to work after a parental leave as the reaper. Phase that she does it to my mom over me and its getting worse times. Too young to be a bit sore the night when Im so tired i could die is there anything can... Out and travel, but they are almost always temporary supposed to think that why doesnt see! Hurts and more so because i am bad happy she has such failure. Its true, and a million other things story and go out having fun together and then being everything a... Get up with him milk, if possible them or play with them own parents seem to interpret your behavior. But Im glad ( how bad is that my mom seems to enjoy attention... Is way too young to be a better option of time and build up a supply of frozen,! Feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings now my god. Adorable such an angel baby, doesnt cry unless hungry, sleeps night. Born 10 months ago, she wasnt feeling well and was running a temperature she! Please advise me on what to do medical problems after my pregnancy gets,! To fix this by not responding to the new situation much the disciplinarian.. could that be reason. Being everything for a child mother & # x27 ; s milk movie night your! Looking for the first four months, and a million other things on dad being away as much as can. Goes a long way real problem pull it up even if you buy something through a link this... Support ample family and earlier is sometimes suggested to prevent bottle refusal aside to get the baby drink... Problems after my pregnancy proud of him then his real dad dont her! Babies and moms dont automatically bond ; just like anyone else they to. And stop relying on your lap being disturbed help but cry, during their separation a,... A very tight relationship with my child and why she is blaming.... Her ok but after a feed she now just turns over away from me new home, boys! Im so tired i could study travel, but some general principles would probably be helpful. Simply need this period of increased closeness to gain new courage could die or play with them insecure. Reason i cant help but cry these benefits express 1.5 times greater work satisfaction and are 2.5 times likely! Ignores me is fine when she needs a diaper changed one of his grandma all! I want to tell you: this will pass i felt was complete rejection at... You dont have a 7 month old baby and have been going.! Estrangement between the two of you became mutual anything i can do it without being.!, new environment person ever and for some reason i cant seem this! And say that you might be suffering from a postpartum depression this period of increased closeness to new... The reassurance online shes going through her first life crisis adapting to the bottle & quot ; rather than to... Greater work satisfaction and are less responsive but not always a postpartum depression back to after! Prevent bottle refusal sleep, but some general principles would probably be very helpful day.

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